Without Desire, there is no suffering
In complemnary medicine today we learned about music therapy and meditation.
The music therapy may work for some but mostly it just assulted my senses; I'm not a huge fan of loud noises, pungent smells, or super spicy foods. Just too much.
The meditation, however, was pretty cool and gave me some food for thought. We had to sit there for ten minutes (which seemed like an eternity) and concentrate on our breath. It was hard because I think most of our minds kept waundering. Mine would go to Mike and memories and hurt and good and bad and ugly. And then waunder toward what I would wear to match day and graduation. What I would do this weekend. It just took off. We were supposed to drag it back by counting our breaths and not thinking.
But really the thoughts are there to be observed in the end. The interesting part is that you can become an observer when you free your mind to waunder and learn about yourself that way.
The key thing was letting go, it seems. The thoughts are impermenant. They are not you. "If your thoughts are not you, then who are you?" I asked at the end. A rhetorical question it turns out. And a point to ponder.
Also, if there is no desire, there is no suffering. (Does that mean that there is no excitement in the achievement of the desire either?)
Not saying I agree with all of it. I think I liked the guided imagery better. Then we were a little more focused. It is nice to have a leader on a trip through your mind and thoughts and breath. Nice sometimes to wander on your own, too.
And to be present in this moment--completely. None of this, "I'll be happy when..." "Things will be good when..." Enjoy the now. Because the now is always where we are anyway.
And yes, Mike is back. I am better than I was last night. I'm still at my own place and trying the independence thing. I'll admit I did see him today to pick up my spare car key. We bickered. It is hard for him to see me because I make him feel bad about himself (well, yeah, and he deserves it--he agreed). That is why he said he ignored me for so long--because he was afraid that I would make him feel worse about himself. Well, we had a little better talk and goodbye and he said some nice things--believe him or not? I don't know. Made me feel like I was not just a passing thought, though. Validated me a little. Made me feel loveable again. Hopefully cleaner closure.
For those of you reading this who are mad at me for seeing him, don't be. I needed to. And it doesn't mean I have forgotten all the hurt he has caused me. (I re-read my other blogs, too.) It did bring up those good feelings for him, too, but the anger is still there, don't worry. It's all a process of healing.
The music therapy may work for some but mostly it just assulted my senses; I'm not a huge fan of loud noises, pungent smells, or super spicy foods. Just too much.
The meditation, however, was pretty cool and gave me some food for thought. We had to sit there for ten minutes (which seemed like an eternity) and concentrate on our breath. It was hard because I think most of our minds kept waundering. Mine would go to Mike and memories and hurt and good and bad and ugly. And then waunder toward what I would wear to match day and graduation. What I would do this weekend. It just took off. We were supposed to drag it back by counting our breaths and not thinking.
But really the thoughts are there to be observed in the end. The interesting part is that you can become an observer when you free your mind to waunder and learn about yourself that way.
The key thing was letting go, it seems. The thoughts are impermenant. They are not you. "If your thoughts are not you, then who are you?" I asked at the end. A rhetorical question it turns out. And a point to ponder.
Also, if there is no desire, there is no suffering. (Does that mean that there is no excitement in the achievement of the desire either?)
Not saying I agree with all of it. I think I liked the guided imagery better. Then we were a little more focused. It is nice to have a leader on a trip through your mind and thoughts and breath. Nice sometimes to wander on your own, too.
And to be present in this moment--completely. None of this, "I'll be happy when..." "Things will be good when..." Enjoy the now. Because the now is always where we are anyway.
And yes, Mike is back. I am better than I was last night. I'm still at my own place and trying the independence thing. I'll admit I did see him today to pick up my spare car key. We bickered. It is hard for him to see me because I make him feel bad about himself (well, yeah, and he deserves it--he agreed). That is why he said he ignored me for so long--because he was afraid that I would make him feel worse about himself. Well, we had a little better talk and goodbye and he said some nice things--believe him or not? I don't know. Made me feel like I was not just a passing thought, though. Validated me a little. Made me feel loveable again. Hopefully cleaner closure.
For those of you reading this who are mad at me for seeing him, don't be. I needed to. And it doesn't mean I have forgotten all the hurt he has caused me. (I re-read my other blogs, too.) It did bring up those good feelings for him, too, but the anger is still there, don't worry. It's all a process of healing.
posted by S. at 7:39 PM
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