Heart Chi
Today I discovered that my chi was low. Well, I could have guessed that really. Our afternoon session was conducted by Dr. B. who does acupuncture and alternative medicine in addition to allopathic medicine in her practice.
I was pretty turned off by the needle business at first when we tried it on each other. I spent most of the class sitting back and listening while knitting a light blue really soft scarf.
We learned that gold jewelry gives you chi (life energy) and silver lets it leak out. A couple of my classmates had geographic (or scrotal) tongues and she said that was very bad and they would need a lot of work. People had needles coming out of their bellies, heads, ears, necks, etc. It was interesting. I was still a little unsure, though.
She checked chakras by holding her necklace over a flat body and seeing if it moved. Counterclockwise is bad, clockwise is good. Still is low chi.
I waited until the end. S. is good friends with her and worked with her on her family rotation so we hung back together. I laid down on the big glass covered wood tables and asked her to check my charkas. The necklace barely moved, “You have a lot going on. What’s wrong, sweetie?” I told her the quick version. It still brought tears to my eyes even then.
I was low in chi in the spleen, heart, mouth, third eye, and connection to the universe. So I got needles inserted just above belly button, on the tender spot on my sternum, on my neck (“You are holding something back with your words.”), on my forehead and at the place where my posterior fontonelle used to be. It still didn’t work entirely, though. The needles were spun until they met resistance then pulled out. The chi was rechecked and still low in the spleen and mouth, so S. put more needles in there and they were okay.
It was a strange sensation. You can’t really feel them going in; they are so little. It does hurt when they turn them at times; the third eye especially hurt, even for hours afterward. But I did feel somehow better. It is an ancient art; there must be something to it. Or perhaps is was just the love and hugs and care from friends and complete strangers.
There is so much love in the world. I want to add to it and have it added to me. I feel like I have been isolated from it for a while. Like Mike has been keeping me from loving the way that I know I can and want to. Monopolizing my love in a way; and then twisting and perverting it into something that he thought he needed but couldn’t treasure the way that it should be treasured. The way that I should be treasured—I told him that many times; he knows what he has lost.
Dr. B. also keyed into my panic attack symptoms and said that whenever I start thinking about him or having bad thoughts to just alternate patting my thighs or have someone else do it to my shoulders to engage both sides of my brain and not let it focus on that one little spot of hurt where it can swirl around into the abyss of painful memories. We’ll see how that goes.
Mike is also still out of town, which helps. I have not heard from him at all. I texted him about returning my stuff when I am out of town. Not even sure if that made it through. Not sure if there will be a goodbye. Not sure of anything with him really. Except that he told me many many lies. Sure also that he loved me once. That I loved who he used to be. That I do wish the best for him, but right now have little faith that he is putting in the work needed to become a person he can respect again. I guess it is not my problem anymore. It still hurts. I dreamt about him last night: that things were good and he wanted me again and we could fly.
But today was good. I got some of my chi back.
I was pretty turned off by the needle business at first when we tried it on each other. I spent most of the class sitting back and listening while knitting a light blue really soft scarf.
We learned that gold jewelry gives you chi (life energy) and silver lets it leak out. A couple of my classmates had geographic (or scrotal) tongues and she said that was very bad and they would need a lot of work. People had needles coming out of their bellies, heads, ears, necks, etc. It was interesting. I was still a little unsure, though.
She checked chakras by holding her necklace over a flat body and seeing if it moved. Counterclockwise is bad, clockwise is good. Still is low chi.
I waited until the end. S. is good friends with her and worked with her on her family rotation so we hung back together. I laid down on the big glass covered wood tables and asked her to check my charkas. The necklace barely moved, “You have a lot going on. What’s wrong, sweetie?” I told her the quick version. It still brought tears to my eyes even then.
I was low in chi in the spleen, heart, mouth, third eye, and connection to the universe. So I got needles inserted just above belly button, on the tender spot on my sternum, on my neck (“You are holding something back with your words.”), on my forehead and at the place where my posterior fontonelle used to be. It still didn’t work entirely, though. The needles were spun until they met resistance then pulled out. The chi was rechecked and still low in the spleen and mouth, so S. put more needles in there and they were okay.
It was a strange sensation. You can’t really feel them going in; they are so little. It does hurt when they turn them at times; the third eye especially hurt, even for hours afterward. But I did feel somehow better. It is an ancient art; there must be something to it. Or perhaps is was just the love and hugs and care from friends and complete strangers.
There is so much love in the world. I want to add to it and have it added to me. I feel like I have been isolated from it for a while. Like Mike has been keeping me from loving the way that I know I can and want to. Monopolizing my love in a way; and then twisting and perverting it into something that he thought he needed but couldn’t treasure the way that it should be treasured. The way that I should be treasured—I told him that many times; he knows what he has lost.
Dr. B. also keyed into my panic attack symptoms and said that whenever I start thinking about him or having bad thoughts to just alternate patting my thighs or have someone else do it to my shoulders to engage both sides of my brain and not let it focus on that one little spot of hurt where it can swirl around into the abyss of painful memories. We’ll see how that goes.
Mike is also still out of town, which helps. I have not heard from him at all. I texted him about returning my stuff when I am out of town. Not even sure if that made it through. Not sure if there will be a goodbye. Not sure of anything with him really. Except that he told me many many lies. Sure also that he loved me once. That I loved who he used to be. That I do wish the best for him, but right now have little faith that he is putting in the work needed to become a person he can respect again. I guess it is not my problem anymore. It still hurts. I dreamt about him last night: that things were good and he wanted me again and we could fly.
But today was good. I got some of my chi back.
posted by S. at 7:57 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home