When I dream
I slept late today because I had "Independent Study" this morning. I was tired so needed to sleep probably but ended up having (and remembering) one of those dreams that felt so real you were relieved when you woke up enough to realize that it wasn't.
It was about Michael. Shocking, I know. He was different in it than he is in real life, though:
He'd reconnected with a female friend of his that he knew from when he used to give nature hike tours of some sort of park together. Her name was Abby. I met her; she was very nice. Shorter than me. Mousey brown short hair. For some reason the two of them ended up having dinner at my parents house without me. I had another commitment of some sort. So they had dinner there and watched a movie (I think it was something like Tarzan). When I talked to Michael later, he looked all dreamy and happy and was treating me differenly again, but not mean anymore, just different. I asked him what was going on. "I'm in love." He said. And he looked it. He glowed. They seemed like a perfect match. They had a history that I couldn't understand. I suddenly felt like the outsider. His feelings for her were completely impenetrable, though. I could tell that just by looking at him. I wanted to be happy for him, but really I was just hurt. Why in three years had he never felt that way about me...that strongly? So we said goodbye. But he forgot some of his stuff here and I was running after him to give it to him. But he didn't really care; he was so in love.
Anyway, it was relief to wake up.
And now that I am awake, I have a few ideas about where some of the inspiration may have come from. Last night just before I went to sleep, I wrote to one of my friends who I hadn't heard from in a long time and he and I used to do a lot of hiking and outdoor stuff together. And I talked to Michael briefly before falling asleep (he was on call in in ICU last night again). And J. and I went to dinner last night and I had wine and chocolate (well and really good realy food, but the wind and chocolate are always the ones that mess with my dreaming head). We were talking about what was fair and unfair to expect in relationships and how there had to be that strong love out there; and that it was so nice to find someone to love to that depth and strength. And I'm still not convinced that it happens like that. He has faith. I wonder if it is something that I have to believe in in order for it to happen. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
So perhaps the dream was a "wish fulfillment" type with projection of what I want onto another person (Michael). He represents me in the dream and Abby is the person that I want to find (but not a girl). More I want to feel that way about someone. I want to have it be instantly right.
There's more to the interpretation than that--for instance, why did I react and feel the way I did in the dream? Why was it Michael? Why did I need to give him his stuff (which is actually true)? Maybe part of it was that in loving someone else that much, it completely closes the door on him and me. And that needs to happen, too?
There is a Crystal Gail song entitled, "When I dream" that is one of my favorite songs. It is about how she can have anyone she wants, but "when I dream, I dream of you. Maybe someday you will come true."
When I Dream lyrics
Artist - Crystal Gayle
Album - All-Time Greatest Hits
Lyrics - When I Dream
I could have a mansion that is higher than the trees
I could have all the gifts I want and never ask please
I could fly to Paris, oh, it's at my beck and call
Why do I go through life with nothing at all?
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
brief strings interlude
I can be the singer or the clown in every room
I can even call someone to take me to the moon
I can put my makeup on and drive the men insane
I can go to bed alone and never know his name
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
It was about Michael. Shocking, I know. He was different in it than he is in real life, though:
He'd reconnected with a female friend of his that he knew from when he used to give nature hike tours of some sort of park together. Her name was Abby. I met her; she was very nice. Shorter than me. Mousey brown short hair. For some reason the two of them ended up having dinner at my parents house without me. I had another commitment of some sort. So they had dinner there and watched a movie (I think it was something like Tarzan). When I talked to Michael later, he looked all dreamy and happy and was treating me differenly again, but not mean anymore, just different. I asked him what was going on. "I'm in love." He said. And he looked it. He glowed. They seemed like a perfect match. They had a history that I couldn't understand. I suddenly felt like the outsider. His feelings for her were completely impenetrable, though. I could tell that just by looking at him. I wanted to be happy for him, but really I was just hurt. Why in three years had he never felt that way about me...that strongly? So we said goodbye. But he forgot some of his stuff here and I was running after him to give it to him. But he didn't really care; he was so in love.
Anyway, it was relief to wake up.
And now that I am awake, I have a few ideas about where some of the inspiration may have come from. Last night just before I went to sleep, I wrote to one of my friends who I hadn't heard from in a long time and he and I used to do a lot of hiking and outdoor stuff together. And I talked to Michael briefly before falling asleep (he was on call in in ICU last night again). And J. and I went to dinner last night and I had wine and chocolate (well and really good realy food, but the wind and chocolate are always the ones that mess with my dreaming head). We were talking about what was fair and unfair to expect in relationships and how there had to be that strong love out there; and that it was so nice to find someone to love to that depth and strength. And I'm still not convinced that it happens like that. He has faith. I wonder if it is something that I have to believe in in order for it to happen. A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
So perhaps the dream was a "wish fulfillment" type with projection of what I want onto another person (Michael). He represents me in the dream and Abby is the person that I want to find (but not a girl). More I want to feel that way about someone. I want to have it be instantly right.
There's more to the interpretation than that--for instance, why did I react and feel the way I did in the dream? Why was it Michael? Why did I need to give him his stuff (which is actually true)? Maybe part of it was that in loving someone else that much, it completely closes the door on him and me. And that needs to happen, too?
There is a Crystal Gail song entitled, "When I dream" that is one of my favorite songs. It is about how she can have anyone she wants, but "when I dream, I dream of you. Maybe someday you will come true."
When I Dream lyrics
Artist - Crystal Gayle
Album - All-Time Greatest Hits
Lyrics - When I Dream
I could have a mansion that is higher than the trees
I could have all the gifts I want and never ask please
I could fly to Paris, oh, it's at my beck and call
Why do I go through life with nothing at all?
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
brief strings interlude
I can be the singer or the clown in every room
I can even call someone to take me to the moon
I can put my makeup on and drive the men insane
I can go to bed alone and never know his name
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
posted by S. at 7:23 AM
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