Perfection is fluid
Today is a beautiful day. I got in late last night and didn't get to sleep until after 4 am, but woke up at 9 am to a glorious sunny spring day. The fruit trees are all blooming and scattering their petals at the slightest breeze as the leaves start to push through. The dafodils and tulips have finally decided to greet the sunny weather and are popping up everywhere. Even the dandelions have returned to the lawn...the the dismay of more structured gardeners.
I woke up and decided to go for a run before the sun got too high and the day got too humid. This would help prevent the full force of mid-day skin damage...and allow me to get my run in a talk to mom as I walked around afterwards. So many people are out and everyone seems to be in a good mood.
I met a little dog named Scout who seemed to like me, although his owner says he usually doesn't like runners and sometimes barks. I scratched his back and he melted like butter.
Much like the yummy butter and bread and tuna and pork that J. and I shared last night at tapas (the first time we'd gotten there early enough to get warm ones). I was post workout and needed protien to rebuild my muscles. He loves that place anyway. Then we watched Anchorman for more good San Diego quotes. "Stay classy." "I'm kind of a big deal. People know me." "Take me to Pleasure town. Oh we're going there!" Afternoon delight. "Baxter!"
It felt good this morning to be out in the world and in the light and the sun. I feel sometimes that Michael is a swirl of darkness that sucks me in and sucks the life out of me. That part of life does not feel like me. Being with him in the state we have been in does not feel like me. It is not who or how I want to be...or who I am.
In yoga class on Wednesday (I love my yoga class by the way) my instructor opened the class by sharing an epiphany she had earlier that day. She explained to us about perfection and how we sometimes try to recapture what we once thought was perfect--how we will try to recreate a magic moment or trip or feeling or relationship. But that it is never really the same.
That achieving perfection is also in the moment--in the present--and has a lot to do also with letting go. To reach new perfection, or magical moments of happiness, we have to let go of the expectations of regaining those that have passed and open ourselves to those which are present and future.
I woke up and decided to go for a run before the sun got too high and the day got too humid. This would help prevent the full force of mid-day skin damage...and allow me to get my run in a talk to mom as I walked around afterwards. So many people are out and everyone seems to be in a good mood.
I met a little dog named Scout who seemed to like me, although his owner says he usually doesn't like runners and sometimes barks. I scratched his back and he melted like butter.
Much like the yummy butter and bread and tuna and pork that J. and I shared last night at tapas (the first time we'd gotten there early enough to get warm ones). I was post workout and needed protien to rebuild my muscles. He loves that place anyway. Then we watched Anchorman for more good San Diego quotes. "Stay classy." "I'm kind of a big deal. People know me." "Take me to Pleasure town. Oh we're going there!" Afternoon delight. "Baxter!"
It felt good this morning to be out in the world and in the light and the sun. I feel sometimes that Michael is a swirl of darkness that sucks me in and sucks the life out of me. That part of life does not feel like me. Being with him in the state we have been in does not feel like me. It is not who or how I want to be...or who I am.
In yoga class on Wednesday (I love my yoga class by the way) my instructor opened the class by sharing an epiphany she had earlier that day. She explained to us about perfection and how we sometimes try to recapture what we once thought was perfect--how we will try to recreate a magic moment or trip or feeling or relationship. But that it is never really the same.
That achieving perfection is also in the moment--in the present--and has a lot to do also with letting go. To reach new perfection, or magical moments of happiness, we have to let go of the expectations of regaining those that have passed and open ourselves to those which are present and future.
posted by S. at 9:16 AM
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