Red Carpet

After four years in Ohio I have made it back to California...and not just to visit this time. My little red car was stuffed to the gills with my bike atop just at it was when I drove out east four years ago. This time Dad rode with me through the great midwest, great planes, great Sierras...it was all just great. We did the drive in three days, two nights on the road and tonight we made it home. I will stay here a few days to climb Shasta with my brother and a group he has organized. Then I will head down south to start residency in the middle of this month. Life comes at you fast.

A couple weeks ago when I drove down to see my new place and meet my new roommate, I felt at last like my soul could breath again. And driving across the country this time a friend texted me asking how was the road. "Like a long red carpet," I replied, "stretching out to home." Tonight, as we drove the low-riding car home, my heart sighed in peace. Perhaps home really is where the heart is...and the west coast is very much home to me. It is intoxicating for me. A heady combination of nostalgia, adventure, familiarity, and challenge. I don't really want to leave again.

Michael gave me a picture of me in Cincinnati looking west at the sunset. On the back he wrote something to the effect of "This is perhaps the most poignant picture of the bunch. Shawna looking at the sunset... Shawna looking west... Shawna looking away from Michael... I always knew you'd go back to California, even if it meant leaving me." "Why did you stay with me then break my heart?" I asked him. Reply pending.

It was somewhat strange to leave Cincinnati. I will miss my friends there most. It was hard to say goodbye to S., J., and (yes) Michael. It was time for me to go, though. Never did I think I would stay in the midwest. It had activities and people that made it good for me for a time, but that time has ended. Driving around town on last minute errands, I did not even catch myself getting sad or thinking, "This is the last time I will such and such. Or I may never see so and so again." Perhaps I thought at last that there was not point in fretting over the change because it would come with or without my anxiety. Or perhaps the Lexapro has dulled my emotions to the point where they are more stable and managealbe. Or perhaps I know that this is the right move for me and when moving onto something better, it is not as hard to say goodbye to the something before.

Speaking of saying goodbye...Sunday was sort of a big day. It was our med school Honor's Day when we celebrate becoming real doctors...no longer "student doctors" or "medical students." Crazy really. Wow. It was an amazing day. To see everyone so excited and having changed so much through medical school. Seeing their families there. Remembering all that we'd shared. Thinking of all the different places we'd go now. Knowing all the work and learning that still lies ahead for each of us. Parting ways. Saying goodbyes. Hurrying to introduce loved ones and then take leave of friends. Yes, it was a big day.