Homeless

I have not had the heart to write lately. I signed a new lease at the beginning of the month, but have been dragging my feel to move out becasue I still really love him and wanted to try more. The more I tried, the further away he got.

And yesterday was awful--one of the worst days of my life. I found out that he'd been cheating on me for a month. I don't even know what to think or feel. I am just so full of hurt and disbelief. After three years together and everything we've shared. I'm numb to it. I can't sleep, I can't eat.

I am just one giant ball of pain and I don't know how to hold it. I don't know how to be without him after so long with him. I don't know how to fill the nights and the minutes and the time that used to be ours.

He's been gone for a while, he says. Should have broken it off with me six weeks ago. I felt that, too. And everything since then has just been chipping away at me and at us.

I'm so tired and my head hurts and mostly my heart hurts.

I guess I have to move when I get home...or not home anymore. Guess I don't really have a home anymore. He was home.