Saturday, October 20, 2012

Appointments and hospital and hopefully meteors!

In the week since I've been home, I've had one nighttime meltdown worrying I was going to die.  My brother and sister-in-law were in town as it was my birthday and the day after our canceled baby shower.  They had their two adorable four month old girls with them.  Hard to melt down too much around adorable laughing babies so it was mostly just with Matthew. We ended up going back to the hospital as from what they'd told me at discharge pretty much all the symptoms I was already having looked like preeclampsia and I was afraid of a seizure and having strokes again as my head was constantly throbbing like it had been five years ago when I'd ignored it for too long.  And between the pregnancy hormones and the prednisone and the stress catching up to me, I was a mess.  Ended up that everything was okay on that visit, though blood pressure still on the high end.

Then kidney doctor follow up on Tuesday (added blood pressure med, labetelol) and gave me his cell number as I realized I sometimes just needed to have someone to help manage everything who was not myself. The rheumatology appt with the new rheumatologist was on Wednesday (went over the plan for prednisone: high dose for a month since we can't use cellcept and then taper 10 mg per every two weeks after that).  OB was on Thursday and my blood pressure was still elevated.  Then Friday I was excited to stay home and rest and get some of the tension out of my neck but I woke up with bleeding and we had to go to the hospital again.  It was partial placental abruption and we got to come home, but when I first saw it i was afraid of miscarrying and could not feel the baby kick right away.

My first emotion was disbelief then fear then anger--like we needed one more thing!  I didn't want to go back to the hospital.  I didn't want to have to drag Matthew to any more doctors' visits.  We just wanted one day to be kinda home and normal.

Now it's Saturday night and I've been on "modified bed rest" (I don't really know what that means) all day and am feeling fine.  At this point every day is a gift and helps our little one grow more and hopefully gets my kidneys closer to healing.

Our dogs keep me constant company and I love our house's big windows that look out onto the redwood forrest around us.  It's a good place to be and good place to recover.  The worry about getting back to work and my patients and money and disability and all that waxes and wanes and I'm crocheting more and watching tv and reading.  I'm trying to relax.  It's good for me and fun to hang out with Matthew.  We sorted walnuts with mom this morning.  It was a good day and I'll take it!  Tonight there is supposed to be a great meteor shower we can watch from our dark back deck.

1 Comments:

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