Homeless
I have not had the heart to write lately. I signed a new lease at the beginning of the month, but have been dragging my feel to move out becasue I still really love him and wanted to try more. The more I tried, the further away he got.
And yesterday was awful--one of the worst days of my life. I found out that he'd been cheating on me for a month. I don't even know what to think or feel. I am just so full of hurt and disbelief. After three years together and everything we've shared. I'm numb to it. I can't sleep, I can't eat.
I am just one giant ball of pain and I don't know how to hold it. I don't know how to be without him after so long with him. I don't know how to fill the nights and the minutes and the time that used to be ours.
He's been gone for a while, he says. Should have broken it off with me six weeks ago. I felt that, too. And everything since then has just been chipping away at me and at us.
I'm so tired and my head hurts and mostly my heart hurts.
I guess I have to move when I get home...or not home anymore. Guess I don't really have a home anymore. He was home.
And yesterday was awful--one of the worst days of my life. I found out that he'd been cheating on me for a month. I don't even know what to think or feel. I am just so full of hurt and disbelief. After three years together and everything we've shared. I'm numb to it. I can't sleep, I can't eat.
I am just one giant ball of pain and I don't know how to hold it. I don't know how to be without him after so long with him. I don't know how to fill the nights and the minutes and the time that used to be ours.
He's been gone for a while, he says. Should have broken it off with me six weeks ago. I felt that, too. And everything since then has just been chipping away at me and at us.
I'm so tired and my head hurts and mostly my heart hurts.
I guess I have to move when I get home...or not home anymore. Guess I don't really have a home anymore. He was home.
posted by S. at 2:06 AM
2 Comments:
I love you so much. You are one of my dearest friends. You are loved by SO many! Remember this. Please let me know what I can do... I really wish I were closer, I would take care of you; I want to care for you.
Shawna gorgeous, your heart is your home. It is as deep as ocean, as high as sky, as warm as hot summer days in Davis, as pure as blue winter sky, and as kind as a mother's passion for her child.
Whoever you are and if there is any honor in you please don't hurt Shawna. Please don't cheat on her. Please don't.
She is our sweetheart; she is the west coast princess. She has won the appreciation of her honest critics and has endured the betrayal of false friends. She is innocent and doesn't deserve to be treated so inhumanely.
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