Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Email to US from 16 Octubre

Just back from my walk around the city. I did indeed make it to the music hall, looked around the outside, but decided not to go in. I sat on the steps and read about Gaudi's education and growing up in the book I got at the Sagrada Familia yesterday. Then wandered to the Gothic area again and found the cathedral. Also a little house over to the side with a fountain and a courtyard in the sun.

I found a craft fair where they had wooden keychains. They also had books that looked too beautiful to be written in. Ceramic clocks that I may one day wish I'd bought but that I was afraid would break on the trip home.

I must be looking more like I know my way around because people are friendlier and when they ask me for directions I sometimes know where to point. Returned to the Ramblas and took it all in for a bit. Also back through the food market that is reminiscent of Pike's Place in Seattle if you've ever been there. I got a euro's worth of fresh figs and ate them on my walk back to the Rambla de Raval where I seem to always end up by the lumpy black cat which I think is so strange and kinda creepy.

I felt joyful and whole and secure on the way back. Navigating the city becomes an art which I have just begun to grasp. Things begin to look familiar just before I change. I got my voice back a few days ago so I was singing to myself as I found little out of the way ancient buildings turned gallery where I was the only one in there and my voice echoed off the walls. I was singing Angel at that point. Later Do you want me. Gulf Coast Highway. I wish my love was a red red rose. And pieces of others here and there.

Musicians sit in the close stone streets making music that echos around the stone walls. Today there was a man with a round metal instrument I didn't recognize but sounded beautiful around the corner from the cathedral. Also a lovely young cellist girl with blond hair. The workman yelled pelo rubio at me today. I smiled. Wonder if they see the strawberry, too.

Got a kebab then went to find Jamie packing at her place. I'm supposed to be packing now, but wanted to upload some pictures from today and say hello first. I'll go out to Sangria with her tonight at the only non-smoking bar in the city. Well, they have a non smoking section that is blocked off. and they have Sangria on tap. key.

It is sort of sad to have this time coming to an end. I turn my sights toward home and the re-entry into my real life. I'm still not sure this is the real life that I want. I know I'm not going to be ready to do clinic on Thursday, eight hour test (which I will likely bomb) on Friday then I think I might start off on call in the ICU on Saturday. I'm afraid of the ICU. It will be okay. I just want to get it over with more than anything. I still don't know how I feel about adult medicine. I like the kids for sure, but the adults. Well, it's been a while so I'll see if it is better when I don't have my head full of clots and it hurts just to smile. Has to be better!

Plus I'll have Spain inside of me. And new friends. I feel like I'm back to sucking it up and just getting through this phase of my life and that feels wrong in a way. Because if I get sick, is this really the end I would want? Just have to make everyday have some sort of magic in it. I can make a difference in lives. Patients see that. I've had them tell me they feel better just after talking to me. Have to maintain my peace and play with the space between to be effective and to make this whole thing worthwhile and sustainable for me.

I feel like I'm coming down off of a cloud and my wings don't quite fit in the elevator.


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