Heartbeats

When the music stops
I hear my heartbeat behind the wind and the waves
Crashing in my ear
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
I know hearts stop. All hearts stop.
This life, at once brilliant and vibrant, is exhausting.

I learn to let it consume
With lusty pleasure dripping down
Joyful, quiet, changing.

I learn to let it take the relics I once treasured
And smash them on alters
That also crumble.

Elaborate masterpieces created in chalk
Washed away with rain or
Slowly softened by time.

I learn to give away the work of my hands
Perfect vessels carefully formed
Solid and fragile and gifted.

I learn to smash my heart into white walls
Where blood trickles down baby's backs
Before I wipe it away.

Time given at that alter of profession
Sometimes willingly, sometimes wonderingly
How to spend those heartbeats.
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.