Long time getting to a Perfect Afternoon
Have been having a good time with the group of neighbors. There are ten of us in the complex, three women, seven men, ranging in age from 22 (almost 23) to 50-something. It's like college but with an older crowd and with more individual space, since we can each go back to our own little studio (unless you're S. or R. who have a one bedroom instead). Course sometimes the crowd follows into the studio, but that's kinda fun too. I had maybe ten people in here the other day. And my place is not big, by anyone's standards. The wicker chairs were in high demand I suppose. B.K. makes fun of them still, though.
J. made me a drink and I'm allowed to have one a day, so I drank it. Tasted good. Loosened me up a bit I guess. Or maybe it was just that there were so many people and it felt good to be surrounded by friends and enjoying ourselves.
We also played three flys up in the pool for a couple hours each day over the weekend. I was the smallest and shortest but, thanks to growing up with brothers, did manage to catch a few. Most of it was playing defense since J. is about 20 feet tall and R.'s new nick name is bulldog and B. is just one big muscle.
Then reality hit with coumadin clinic. My INR was 5.6 (supposed to be between 2.5 and 3.5 and there's an increased risk of bleeding into your head above 4.0). No wonder I was covered in bruises and that the collisions with the walls and other people all left marks. They gave me Vitamin K to reverse it and lowered my dose.
I hate having lupus. I get to a point where I forget about it and pretend I can do whatever I want and then it bites back. I've been swimming laps a lot (up to 3/4 of a mile) and doing yoga and working out. I love doing it and it makes me feel good. I just hope it's not too much.
And them sometimes I worry about being able to finish residency still. The call shifts mostly. If I can and if I want to, given the saccrifices it does and will take. And, when I'm tired, I wonder if I'm too broken for the life I wanted to lead.
B.K. and J. and I went out the the cliffs to watch the sunset and have dinner, then J. (who's lived here most of his life), gave us the tour of the city. Places I'd heard about but never visited. Some I'd never even heard of. It was nice to be shown around and get ideas for places to explore more later. We ended up back here around 2130 maybe and walked down to the beach. B.K. asked if this was were we'd seen ourselves ten years ago (it has to be revised for J. since he's the baby of the group at 22).
I said I didn't. I'd imagined being married with kids by now. And I never imagined having this disease. Professionally, something close to what I'm doing so that's good.
Overall, it's really going fine. Just a heck of a lot of adjustments that challenge me to my core...and sometimes a little deeper.
I've been reading "The Four Agreements" which my mom gave me. I'm only half way through, but I'm enjoying it. It give me space in a way.
1) Be impeccable with your word
2) Don't take anything personally
3) Don't make assumptions
4) Always do your best
I even talked about the second agreement with one of my patients yesterday. Poor kid. It was a well child check. He's severely overweight, but making a lot of positive changes already. Losing weight just takes time. He wanted us to give him a diet so I spent a lot of time talking about that with him. Then when we got the questions about girls, he said he liked one, but had liked another except that she had told him he was fat and she didn't like him anymore. He put his head down and started crying. I scooted closer and patted his arm and tried to tell him he wasn't the only one struggling at this age and that he didn't need to take that comment personally and that he was doing what he could to make himself healthy. Junior high is such a hard hard emotional transition time. It was one of the most difficult phases for me, too. Never quite sure where you are or who you are.
I'm also reading "Encouters with Children" for my developmental pediatric rotation which I'm currently on. It is a great book. Goes over developmental stages at every age and how a pediatrician can maximize a child's chance of phyical and emotional success and happiness. Or at least that's how I've been looking at it.
This is rambling and has no thesis, intro, or conculsion, but my dinner's almost ready and I see a fly buzzing around--likely for the next 15-30 days. I hope whoever's reading this is having a great day.
How would you spend a perfect afternoon?