Head-in-and-out-of-knots Day
For some reason I am really tired tonight. It has been a long day and I didn't get to bed as early as I should have last night. The morning was spent reading about neurology at the hospital waiting for a patient who never came. The days are very long when there is nothing to do with patients. At least I had my iPod with my new Hillary Hahn violin sonatas with me so I could put that on to drown out the chatty neruo residents. Lunch was fun, though. I texted M.C. and we met for lunch. It's nice to have friends to just meet and talk with on a whim.
The afternoon brought a lot of rounding on patients which I had not seen. Then (exciting thing!) I checked my email after work and found that I had been offered an interview at a really good program. I got viscerally very excited for some unknown reason. It felt like something good was beginning. Maybe that is the program where I am supposed to end up. Who knows. It will just depend on what feels best...and what I think about things with M.
On sort of that note, I stopped at the gym on my way home and he was there (I saw his car anyway). So I changed quickly then scoured all his favorite work-out spots--mostly the weight room and the pool, but he was no where to be found. I discovered later that he'd probably left when I was changing in the locker room. He saw my car, but didn't come to say hello, not that he ever does. I just would like it if he did sometimes.
My workout went really well for the most part. I was speeding along on the elliptical listening to music and reading the "Outside" or "Outdoor" (or something like that) magazines that I'd discovered on the rack the week before. One of the stories was about scary things that have happened to people on their adventures. There were thirteen stories. I made it through about seven. And all except two were about being endangered by other people. I thought it a sad unspoken commentary that as a species we harm ourselves more than any natural disaster does (even with this awful earthquake in Pakistan and the hurricanes and the tsunami).
Once I got to the weights I was feeling strong and like I had a period of clarity. I need to be on my own...break up and move out. And in that moment it didn't seem so hard. Now it seems much harder. In the midst of doing the lat pull, I thought of M. and how strong his lats are. I suddenly and strangely lost a lot of my energy for the workout. I don't know what happened.
I finished anyway. By the time I got home, M. was here and had made some dinner for us (pasta, his specialty). I was starving so it tasted really good. The rest of the night he had been absorbed in football and the Big Lobowski and downloading music. And now we're both tired (which is probably why this is such a scattered post and why he wanted time alone) and heading to bed.
It was just sort of a weird head-in-and-out-of-knots day.
The afternoon brought a lot of rounding on patients which I had not seen. Then (exciting thing!) I checked my email after work and found that I had been offered an interview at a really good program. I got viscerally very excited for some unknown reason. It felt like something good was beginning. Maybe that is the program where I am supposed to end up. Who knows. It will just depend on what feels best...and what I think about things with M.
On sort of that note, I stopped at the gym on my way home and he was there (I saw his car anyway). So I changed quickly then scoured all his favorite work-out spots--mostly the weight room and the pool, but he was no where to be found. I discovered later that he'd probably left when I was changing in the locker room. He saw my car, but didn't come to say hello, not that he ever does. I just would like it if he did sometimes.
My workout went really well for the most part. I was speeding along on the elliptical listening to music and reading the "Outside" or "Outdoor" (or something like that) magazines that I'd discovered on the rack the week before. One of the stories was about scary things that have happened to people on their adventures. There were thirteen stories. I made it through about seven. And all except two were about being endangered by other people. I thought it a sad unspoken commentary that as a species we harm ourselves more than any natural disaster does (even with this awful earthquake in Pakistan and the hurricanes and the tsunami).
Once I got to the weights I was feeling strong and like I had a period of clarity. I need to be on my own...break up and move out. And in that moment it didn't seem so hard. Now it seems much harder. In the midst of doing the lat pull, I thought of M. and how strong his lats are. I suddenly and strangely lost a lot of my energy for the workout. I don't know what happened.
I finished anyway. By the time I got home, M. was here and had made some dinner for us (pasta, his specialty). I was starving so it tasted really good. The rest of the night he had been absorbed in football and the Big Lobowski and downloading music. And now we're both tired (which is probably why this is such a scattered post and why he wanted time alone) and heading to bed.
It was just sort of a weird head-in-and-out-of-knots day.
posted by S. at 6:45 PM
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