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Had ceramics class tonight. The hand is still bothering me a bit; mostly with wedging and the fact that I can't tell how wet and therefore slippery my hand against the clay is so it gets caught sometimes. It's getting much better, however. Hopefully by next week it will be healed. There is also a throwing thing this Saturday that I might attend depending on how I feel after the monster nine hour test on Friday. It really is inhumane.
After class I went to hang out with my friend for a while. We watched some shows and talked a bit. I didn't get home until late. No M. to be found. Despite the fact that his last words to be before I left were, "I'll be here when you get back!" Cripes. Oh well, gives me a chance to write and maybe even study a bit before I fall asleep. He's probably out with his friends/coworkers.
We had a bit of a talk the other night. I keep wondering if I should move out and he's worried about it. I'm just putting everything off until after the test but I'm dreading having to really think about it. We talked about how you know if you're right for each other and when you're sure and if we're sure.
He said that he "could see" himself spending his life with me. And that he sees himself with someone "like me." But not me? I'm wondering as he's saying this. So I talk with my mom later and she has a good point about him not feeling secure with the way I feel for him. She says that when (if?) I finally make up my mind, whoever that is will finally feel secure enough to admit that whole-heartedly he feels that way, too. Isn't that a Catch-22? Deciding is just so difficult--a leap of faith.
The last couple days have been really nice. Just more relaxed and comfortable and considerate even. I don't know why that isn't always the way we are. A lot to do with my perspective and attitude, I know. And probably too much to expect all of the time.
After class I went to hang out with my friend for a while. We watched some shows and talked a bit. I didn't get home until late. No M. to be found. Despite the fact that his last words to be before I left were, "I'll be here when you get back!" Cripes. Oh well, gives me a chance to write and maybe even study a bit before I fall asleep. He's probably out with his friends/coworkers.
We had a bit of a talk the other night. I keep wondering if I should move out and he's worried about it. I'm just putting everything off until after the test but I'm dreading having to really think about it. We talked about how you know if you're right for each other and when you're sure and if we're sure.
He said that he "could see" himself spending his life with me. And that he sees himself with someone "like me." But not me? I'm wondering as he's saying this. So I talk with my mom later and she has a good point about him not feeling secure with the way I feel for him. She says that when (if?) I finally make up my mind, whoever that is will finally feel secure enough to admit that whole-heartedly he feels that way, too. Isn't that a Catch-22? Deciding is just so difficult--a leap of faith.
The last couple days have been really nice. Just more relaxed and comfortable and considerate even. I don't know why that isn't always the way we are. A lot to do with my perspective and attitude, I know. And probably too much to expect all of the time.
posted by S. at 9:58 PM
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