Thursday, February 28, 2008

Flarevoiant

I told her about my lupus. She is doing well, or was yesterday. I didn't have the heart to see her today because I started to flare and had to leave work early. I hate not being able to do what is expected of me, even when I know the expectations are ludicrous. She has to start a medicine on Sunday that will make her hair fall out. She wants to be a film maker. She makes funny spoofs of comercials that I haven't yet had time to watch. She is bright and mirthful. She and her mom were glad I'd shared with them. I was too; I think it made all of us feel better.

I got home that night and thought I saw my own malar rash. I went to bed early but woke up too early and stared at the ceiling for hours like I have been almost everynight lately. If I called my rheumatologist, he would say to go back up on the prednisone. I called a therapist instead. And I called off on work. I want to think that it's just sleep I need.

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