Friday, February 15, 2008

Open Heart

I am working back on wards at Children's Hospital. If I add it up I worked 96 hours in the past week. Or something like that. I'm too tired to really figure it out. I got home yesterday post call on Valentine's Day. I found a boxthat my mom had moved inside on my bed when she was over earlier dropping off the flowers book and pudding she got for me. My apartment is a disaster; all I do is stumble home and eat and sleep before waking up to "Morning Edition on NPR" at 5:30 am to go right back at it. The nurses asked me why I didn't wear read on Valentine's Day. It's cause I'd been there since 6 am the day before.

And my first admit was a 6 year old who was breathing 60 times per minute whenI walked in. He was almost not well. But we got him fixed up. He went home today. He had the flu and pneumonia. We abbreviate pneumonia "PNA"--the p-nah.

That along with bronchiolitis keeps us in business during the winter. I have the maximum amount of patients I can nearly everyday. If I don't by the beginning, then I do by the end, or some point in the middle since they come and go so frequently I have trouble keeping up with the dictations I'm supposed to do on addmission and discharge.

My last patient today was a five month old neurologically devastated baby. Her mother put her down for a nap a week ago and she had massive strokes; she will probably never wake up. I'm tired.

The present on my bed was from my dad. It was a silver open heart necklace. It took me a minute to figure out why he'd sent it. When I did, I cried a little. In some ways it's best that I don't have somone waiting at home for me when I spend 12-30 hours a "day" at work. In some ways it is best. In other ways--well the necklace and flowers and book don't care if I get home late. They don't care if I stop making my bed or don't have time to return the movie or pick up the dry cleaning. They don't care if I come or go. Sometimes it would be nice if someone cared. But if they did, I wonder if I could care as much for the strangers I help on those long days.

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