I Need Some Less Colorful Stories
The other weekend at B's wedding shower, we're all sitting around and they are asking me about crazy stuff I've seen at the hospital. The only ones I can think of are borderline scandalous. Stuff that is so strange you can't even make it up. How does it even cross anyone's mind to do these things? At what point does the line of normalcy just utterly disappear? I know my line is being pushed. Once you go past normal, maybe there's no going back.
Some of the best stories tend to come from the Obsetrics realm. When it comes to sex and babies and mostly sex people do ALL sorts of strange strange things.
During our third year rotation, we are asked to check the dilation of the cervix when women are in labor to see how close they are to delivering. So one of my fellow third year med students has to do this on a very overweight woman. And he's literally up past his elbow getting past the extra leg fat. As he's there, he wonders, "How on earth did this woman get pregnant? Just the mechanics of it are infathomable." So he does what I would not have had the gall to do...and he asks her. She non-chalantly explains that she and her significant other used a broomstick. A broomstick. To hold her thighs apart while they made love. A broomstick!? I think I'd sooner go on a diet.
One caucasion couple had a baby who came out looking strangely dark for their skin tones. Dad is over looking at the newborn and asks the nurse if he is suppposed to be that dark. The nurse sort of evades the question and the whole staff becomes a little uncomfortable. Dad isn't mad at Mom, though. As it turned out in their case, about 40 weeks before, as birthday present to one of them, the dad's best friend (who is African American) slept with the mom while dad watched. Wierd to begin with (and even more to end with, poor child), but at least use protection if you're going to do stuff like that.
Then there was the guy who came into the ER with a peanut up his penis, "just to see if it would fit."
There's an urban legend story of a guy who got a hold of a prescription pad and took it to the pharmacy with a self-written script reading "Mo-feen, 1 pound." That didn't get filled.
There's a bittersweet story of my own from last month: A sixteen year old was riding a motorcycle for the first time without a helmet and crashed with severe brain death. The family decided to donate his organs. As we walked around the ward, we had many new patients in for trasplants. "This one is getting a kidney." "The other kidney goes to the kid across the hall." "Someone upstairs is getting the heart and lungs." The end for one and a new lease on life for others. The emotions of transplant confuse me. I still have trouble reconciling the death of one leading to the life of many. If I were in that situation, I'd want my organs donated in a second. I guess when there is no hope for using them yourself, in some way you can live on and help others, even after death. And what better way to leave this world, I suppose.
Some of the best stories tend to come from the Obsetrics realm. When it comes to sex and babies and mostly sex people do ALL sorts of strange strange things.
During our third year rotation, we are asked to check the dilation of the cervix when women are in labor to see how close they are to delivering. So one of my fellow third year med students has to do this on a very overweight woman. And he's literally up past his elbow getting past the extra leg fat. As he's there, he wonders, "How on earth did this woman get pregnant? Just the mechanics of it are infathomable." So he does what I would not have had the gall to do...and he asks her. She non-chalantly explains that she and her significant other used a broomstick. A broomstick. To hold her thighs apart while they made love. A broomstick!? I think I'd sooner go on a diet.
One caucasion couple had a baby who came out looking strangely dark for their skin tones. Dad is over looking at the newborn and asks the nurse if he is suppposed to be that dark. The nurse sort of evades the question and the whole staff becomes a little uncomfortable. Dad isn't mad at Mom, though. As it turned out in their case, about 40 weeks before, as birthday present to one of them, the dad's best friend (who is African American) slept with the mom while dad watched. Wierd to begin with (and even more to end with, poor child), but at least use protection if you're going to do stuff like that.
Then there was the guy who came into the ER with a peanut up his penis, "just to see if it would fit."
There's an urban legend story of a guy who got a hold of a prescription pad and took it to the pharmacy with a self-written script reading "Mo-feen, 1 pound." That didn't get filled.
There's a bittersweet story of my own from last month: A sixteen year old was riding a motorcycle for the first time without a helmet and crashed with severe brain death. The family decided to donate his organs. As we walked around the ward, we had many new patients in for trasplants. "This one is getting a kidney." "The other kidney goes to the kid across the hall." "Someone upstairs is getting the heart and lungs." The end for one and a new lease on life for others. The emotions of transplant confuse me. I still have trouble reconciling the death of one leading to the life of many. If I were in that situation, I'd want my organs donated in a second. I guess when there is no hope for using them yourself, in some way you can live on and help others, even after death. And what better way to leave this world, I suppose.
posted by S. at 10:52 PM
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