Have I Been Forgotten?
When I was a sophomore in college I got a horrible kidney infection and my mom threatened to call the ambulance to come pick me up at my dorm...mortifying! A friend ended up being able to take me...thank goodness. I was a wreck by the time I got to the hospital at around 10 pm. They did all sorts of tests and admitted me right away.
One of the tests they wanted to do was a renal ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any damage or stones that were exacerbating the condition. They decided to do this test after they'd already taken me up to my room after hours of work up in the ER. I was exhausted and wished it could wait until morning, but no such luck. They wheeled me down to radiology department...by this time of night (2 am) a long deserted hallway with doors that all looked the same to me. I was placed in a room and told that it would just be a few minutes until the tech could come get me. I waited and waited. Those wheely stretchers are not nearly as comfortable as the beds in the room that I'd been on briefly. No one came. My IV started beeping because it needed to be plugged into the wall. Someone came to do that but soon left again. I couldn't get out of bed because my blood pressure was too low and I'd pass out. I was getting panicked and thought I'd been forgotten. I managed to pull my stretcher over to a phone on the wall and called mom who was still in California (I was in Washington) and whined to her for a while wondering if anyone was ever going to come get me. Or if they'd just forgotten me. She was probably comforting enough to calm me down for a few more minutes before I worked myself into a panic of being feeling left again.
So soon after that I started yelling down the hall, in my weak, sick, pitiful voice, "Helloooooo...Is anyone there?.... Have I been forgotten?....Helloooo...." Yeah, it seems funny now. At the time it wasn't. Yes, eventually someone showed up and apologized, explaining that the had three births that night and the ultrasound tech had been swamped. Indeed. Well, what was more important? I huffed to myself. Not really, but I was super tired and sick and cranky. And turns out my kidneys looked fine on the ultrasound.
It was not the first time I'd been forgotten or left. My dad forgot me at the video store once when we stopped there on the way home from school when I was maybe 10 or younger. I was so quiet he thought I'd just followed them out when I was still busy looking at some of those giant disc records that were all the rage then. I didn't even know they were gone until they came back for me.
Then there was some miscommunication about who was going to pick me up from gymnastics once. I was left sitting there until everyone else got home and looked around and wondered where I was. It was a half hour drive back up to get me. I was maybe seven years old that time.
When I was closer to 11 I was waiting for mom reading in the county office library when the librarians turned off the lights and locked me in. I had been too quiet and they forgot I was there. It wasn't until mom finished with her meeting and came looking for me that I got out. I remember thinking there would be worse places to be forgotten than the library. Although the benches wouldn't be very comfortable for sleeping.
I hate feeling left. I think now that everyone is going to leave me or choose someone else instead of me...short of my family because they are required to love me and stay with me. But everyone else. So I push them until they do it anyway. Maybe I figure better sooner than later.
One of the tests they wanted to do was a renal ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any damage or stones that were exacerbating the condition. They decided to do this test after they'd already taken me up to my room after hours of work up in the ER. I was exhausted and wished it could wait until morning, but no such luck. They wheeled me down to radiology department...by this time of night (2 am) a long deserted hallway with doors that all looked the same to me. I was placed in a room and told that it would just be a few minutes until the tech could come get me. I waited and waited. Those wheely stretchers are not nearly as comfortable as the beds in the room that I'd been on briefly. No one came. My IV started beeping because it needed to be plugged into the wall. Someone came to do that but soon left again. I couldn't get out of bed because my blood pressure was too low and I'd pass out. I was getting panicked and thought I'd been forgotten. I managed to pull my stretcher over to a phone on the wall and called mom who was still in California (I was in Washington) and whined to her for a while wondering if anyone was ever going to come get me. Or if they'd just forgotten me. She was probably comforting enough to calm me down for a few more minutes before I worked myself into a panic of being feeling left again.
So soon after that I started yelling down the hall, in my weak, sick, pitiful voice, "Helloooooo...Is anyone there?.... Have I been forgotten?....Helloooo...." Yeah, it seems funny now. At the time it wasn't. Yes, eventually someone showed up and apologized, explaining that the had three births that night and the ultrasound tech had been swamped. Indeed. Well, what was more important? I huffed to myself. Not really, but I was super tired and sick and cranky. And turns out my kidneys looked fine on the ultrasound.
It was not the first time I'd been forgotten or left. My dad forgot me at the video store once when we stopped there on the way home from school when I was maybe 10 or younger. I was so quiet he thought I'd just followed them out when I was still busy looking at some of those giant disc records that were all the rage then. I didn't even know they were gone until they came back for me.
Then there was some miscommunication about who was going to pick me up from gymnastics once. I was left sitting there until everyone else got home and looked around and wondered where I was. It was a half hour drive back up to get me. I was maybe seven years old that time.
When I was closer to 11 I was waiting for mom reading in the county office library when the librarians turned off the lights and locked me in. I had been too quiet and they forgot I was there. It wasn't until mom finished with her meeting and came looking for me that I got out. I remember thinking there would be worse places to be forgotten than the library. Although the benches wouldn't be very comfortable for sleeping.
I hate feeling left. I think now that everyone is going to leave me or choose someone else instead of me...short of my family because they are required to love me and stay with me. But everyone else. So I push them until they do it anyway. Maybe I figure better sooner than later.
posted by S. at 11:02 AM
1 Comments:
Sweet Shawna - you can try your "best" to push me away but I won't budge (put on too much weight in the motherland - haha) but seriously, there is nothing, absolutely NO REASON for which I will leave or forget you. You are one of my closest friends and sorry, but you can't get rid of me that easy. I want to tell you how much you mean to J and I! We love you - the c of t is strong; we're kind of a big deal, you know. We've been through a lot together and I think we've proven that our friendship is still strong by still being together! We're not going to leave you, Shawna! We're NOT!
I don't want to change you - I really don't, even though it may seem that way. I just have a hard time seeing any good in voldemort and I don't want you to be around anything that's not good. I care so much about you and your wellbeing and I hate to see you hurt. I'll back off and let you clear things up in your mind...like I said whatever decision you make, even if it's not what I would imagine for you, I'll be by you, no matter what. Do you see a theme here? Gotta go outside now to work in the garden, but please know I'm always with you! Love you, girl!
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