Tuesday, March 13, 2007

USMLE Step Three

What that really stands for is United States Medical Lisencing Exam (Step Three of THREE!). What it should stand for is Unusually Sadistic Much too Long Entrapment (other suggestions welcome).

I just finished taking it. So, assuming I passed, I will be a real liscenced doctor in about a month when the results are official. It is a 16 hour exam. Yes, I said it, SIXTEEN hours. My entire body hurts from sitting at the testing location for two entire days. I was even a complete squirm worm and it still hurts. And my head feels like it has imploded. There really is nothing left at the moment.

I knew some. I didn't know some. I'm just hoping the former outweighs the latter and I don't have to spring another $655 and spend another two days of US Misery LE.

I've taken all three steps at these testing centers. The first two in Ohio, and the last one here. The first two are one full day each. This last one is two. There are all sorts of other people taking various tests there at the same time. NONE of them as long as these, it seems. Since other testers come and go, and come and go, and come and go. I'm the one with full meals packed--the one who needs the big locker. And then at the end of the day, I'm the last one there (having been the first one there also) and the friendly testing administrators say, "See you tomorrow!" And I just want to cry but I smile instead, "Okay!"

We can be hung from our toes for going into great detail about the question content on these things it seems, but let me just say that on my exam, there seemed to be an inordinate number of genital and STD and sex related questions. I think I got three question about how long you have to wait after a myocardial infarction before you can have sex. Then there was the four year old with priapism (erect penis)--with a picture. I ask you, is the picture really necessary? You could just decribe it, I think I'd get it. But no, should any of the other poor electrical journeyman or airplane pilots happen to look over at my computer during that time, they too would be subjected to that image also.

And that wasn't, by far, the worst of it. There were genital warts galore. Atrophic vagititis. A giant scaley old woman breast. A man with a nasty rash down there and down both legs. And a five year old's scrotum swollen to the size of a canteloupe. Oh, and an x-ray of a vibrator stuck up a man's anus after "sex play" with his girlfriend. In decribing the phycial exam, the only abnormality was "diffuse high frequency vibrations felt throughout the abdomen."

So, if you happen to be reading this, and you happen to have taken Step Three, did you test have this much uhhh...intimate details on your version of the test?

In then end, I'm just glad it's over.

1 Comments:

Blogger Molecular Turtle said...

I haven't taken the test but these days I'm working on genital herpes and HPV. I feel your pain.

6:20 PM, March 18, 2007  

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