Beware of Demons. They're tricky.

If you know me, or if you have done a lot of back reading here, then you know the past year has been very hard relationshiply for me. Very hard. Very very hard, in fact. Almost killed me at a few lowest of lows.

Well, my boyfriend (cause of much of the pain over the past year secondary to prolonged infidelity) just came to visit. And I find that the other woman (women?) is (are?) still in his life and think that he belongs just to her for the past year.

I'm not going to rant and cry about it here. I have another journal for that. I just wonder why it is so hard for some people to be faithful? What demons does he harbor that make him do this. He tells me he loves only me; that I know him better than anyone else and that he is confused and foolish and has made many many mistakes but wants to be with me and only me. I want to believe all that (especially the love only me part).

Is there some biologic basis for infidelity? Sure. But is there some biologic basis for the pain that it causes? Is there some purpose to this suffering? Is this the way to weed out the emotionally weak? Or the emotionally cold? Or does it just make the partner stick around and make sure the young are raised to a viable age?

I think sometimes that he is seeing how far he can push me before I leave. If I look at the facts I should have left long ago. But the love for him is like an addiction. I can't seem to get over it...or past it...or through it. I keep hoping he'll change.

But demons are tricky and they are hard to change. I have some of my own and have taken it upon myself to post signs around them. "Beware of Demons. They're tricky." Sometimes I still don't see the signs, though.